Your mouth is God's brothel.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
