I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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