if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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