ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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