Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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