so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
