i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
