Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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