I can text with my tongue
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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