im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
