direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
