your thong is hanging out like whoa
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize