How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
