mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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