Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
