I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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