I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize