woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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