FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
