Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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