i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
