I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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