what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
