Do you still have your period?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
