My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
