Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
