I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize