I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize