Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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