sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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