I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so much tequila, so little girl.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
