Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
