THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
