I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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