Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
