A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
