Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
