i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
