My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
