Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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