This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
