I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
