she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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