I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
