I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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