dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
