There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
