I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
