You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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