considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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