Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
