Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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