In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
