do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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