It's Friday. Sex?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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