everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They have beer where we have blood.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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