Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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