it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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