Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sober January is a disaster.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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