Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
