I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
