thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
