my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
