Your face is a jimmy john
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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