I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
