I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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