Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize