I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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