We're like a lot better than the average bears
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
