I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
