Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
